


Better Left Unspoken

by MidnightCarnival



Series: What Comes After [7]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Fictional Religion & Theology, M/M, Short One Shot, Trans Character, Transgender
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-13
Updated: 2015-07-13
Packaged: 2018-04-09 02:50:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4330953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MidnightCarnival/pseuds/MidnightCarnival
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lucien questions his identity and issues of trust and intimacy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Better Left Unspoken

Lucien learned long ago that a man could only lie about who he was for so long before losing his mind entirely. 

Lucien recalled when he first scissored the curls away, and he remember the sensation very vividly - it was not like he was cutting hair, it was as if he had a pair of wings beneath his shoulder-blades, that the flesh had all grown over, and he was slicing free... invigorated by the possibility of reinventing his own body. The meaning was his, as long as he was with those who had the vision and vocabulary to understand his creation.

Lucien was trapped in the grey, the place where he lied about nothing but hid everything. This was the thought that forced him into his current state, hunched over his writing desk in his night darkened room. Desperately trying to pen out the words that refused to leave his tongue. 

"Affection...sentiment. It is a sickness." Lucien whispered into the still, night chilled air. Hate was easy to swallow. Indeed, Lucien hated rarely but when he did, he did so murderously. It was a feeling easily remedied with violence. Like a strike of a match, it burned bright and sudden but did not overstay its welcome. The smoke being the only sign it had been there at all in the end. Unfortunately life had the poor form to never be simple. 

Indeed, the one person Lucien could not hate, was Dorian. Indeed, if there was anyone in the whole of Thedas who's approval he desired above all elses, it would be his.

This made Lucien feel sick. Made him want to run and pretend he never felt anything as damning as affection or trust or- more.... 

Even worse was that Lucien craved all of the things he just at that moment feared. He wanted that intimacy, to trust and know what it is to collide into another person as if trapped within one another's gravity and neither knowing nor caring to know anything else. 

But Lucien was afraid to be a liar....even if what he believed to be a lie was never one in the first place. As if that made a bit of sense. 

Lucien's fingers clenched into a fist, crumpling paper with it. 

When did the skin on his body the difference in his voice, or the direction of his heart decide whether or not he should have human rights? 

When did he start to believe that he didn't deserve those things?


End file.
